fatherless child

      Comments Off on fatherless child

My dad was not my father. It didn’t matter to him or to me that we were not bound by genetics. He did all of the things that the man I thought was my biological father couldn’t or wouldn’t. All of my life I had questions about my father. There was a man that everyone told me was my father,… Read more »

normal

      Comments Off on normal

I suppose being normal is overrated anyway. Or maybe that is just something abnormal people say to make themselves feel better about not being normal. I don’t feel normal. Some of the time I just don’t think about how far away from the herd I am and I just live day to day and then there are times that it… Read more »

party of one

      Comments Off on party of one

I picked up “Party of One: A Loners’ Manifesto” at the library this week by Anneli Rufus. It is very interesting and I never considered myself a “loner” before. I just hate people. I am only a few pages into this adventure and already I am beginning to believe I have been a loner all along. I don’t like crowds… Read more »

buckeye bound

      Comments Off on buckeye bound

I woke up this morning from a nasty nightmare. One of those all alone and you know it sort of feelings. I literally woke up screaming — I have gotten used to the nightmares over the years and most of the time I just brush them off and go back to sleep. It has been a long time since I… Read more »

Missing Mom

      Comments Off on Missing Mom

My mom died 5 February 2002. Time has passed and some wounds have healed, some have just gone numb. Getting on with life has gotten a little easier, but last night for the first time in a long time I really missed her. I missed her so much I couldn’t sleep. My mom and I had this weird relationship. When… Read more »

Does Life Suck?

      Comments Off on Does Life Suck?

I recently read in some dark corner of the internet that the only reason one would keep an online journal would be to complain about the hell that is their life. I don’t know that I believe that. My life isn’t all that bad. If you stand back and look at it my life is actually kind of nice. I… Read more »

family

      Comments Off on family

If I ever write a book about my family I am going to call it “Two Tanks of Gas and a Handful of Xanax” – because that is what you need to get through a weekend with them. It isn’t that I despise the whole family thing – just a few of them. They seem to make the visits stressful… Read more »

memories

      Comments Off on memories

A friend of mine called today. Her grandfather was told he has lung cancer, they have basically sent him home to die. She is heading out in a few days to see him. It is going to be hard on her I am sure. Just talking to her brings back a rush of memories. Some of them good, some of… Read more »

getting started

      Comments Off on getting started

I thought having this set up would inspire me to write more. So far it hasn’t — the rants and thoughts and ideas are still trapped the dark maze that is my brain. I was standing in the shower this evening, for the second time today — damn this sweaty weather — thinking. I think about everything in the shower…. Read more »

visitors

      Comments Off on visitors

Today is my dad’s 60th birthday. A few years ago my mom and I talked about throwing him a big party. We were going to go all out for it. It isn’t every day your dad turns 60 after all right? I sure do miss him. I have been thinking about mom and dad a lot this week. I don’t… Read more »