Missing Mom

loup
17 August 2003

My mom died 5 February 2002. Time has passed and some wounds have
healed, some have just gone numb. Getting on with life has gotten a
little easier, but last night for the first time in a long time I
really missed her. I missed her so much I couldn’t sleep. My mom and I
had this weird relationship. When I was growing up we fought
constantly. She raised me to think for myself and when I hit puberty
that notion came back to haunt her. *grins* We didn’t always see eye to
eye, we yelled, screamed and if you were on the outside looking in you
would think that we hated each other. Even through the teenage years, I
could ALWAYS go to her for
advice, to talk, anything, anytime, day or night. Last night was one of
those nights when growing up I would have crept into her room needing
to talk. She never slept well so most of the time I would find her
awake, either reading or working on crochet. She always stopped for me.
Some nights she would be exhausted but never gave in until I had it all
off of my chest. Later in life she became my best friend. I didn’t
always agree with her, or like what she was doing but she was always
there for me and I can’t deny that she had plenty of good advice. My
aunt says I am just like her. I agree that there are some eerie
similarities but I think I took the good from her and the good from my
dad and went from there out on my own. I don’t know what brought it on,
I don’t know how to turn it off — but I missed her last night more
than any night since she died.

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