Missing You

loup
5 February 2019

My parents died a few weeks apart in 2002. They had just sold their place in Floyd County, Virginia and moved to Carlsbad, New Mexico. About three weeks after moving into their new home my mother had a massive stroke. She died a few hours after I arrived at the hospital. Everyone said she held on for me. I spoke to her the night before the stroke, her last words to me were of love. We were best friends. My dad was diagnosed with metastatic Bladder Cancer about a month later. We spent those last few weeks talking and sharing and laughing — some people say the Cancer “took him” but he didn’t fight it and because of that I think he didn’t let the Cancer win. He spent his last moments exactly how he wanted to. His last words were “Thank You.” That is one hell of a legacy if you ask me.

My mom spent her entire life helping animals, and my dad spent their marriage letting her and I fill the house with homeless creatures without so much as a complaint. Mom once transported a pony in the back seat of her car because she didn’t have access to a horse trailer – Dad once sat out in the cold waiting on a field mouse he saw run up under the truck to come out. Crazy animal lovers but I would not have traded them for the world. I owe who I am to them. Giving me more than I could ever repay and I am forever grateful.


Melody Ann Merckling Gibbs
08 January 1947 – 05 February 2002


Thomas Franklin Gibbs, Jr
03 July 1943 – 21 June 2002

Desiree Wheatley

loup
2 November 2017

30 years ago today I was sitting in a chapel filled with many of my friends. We were all wearing black; there were uncomfortable silences only broken with gentle sobs. They buried my friend today.

I miss you still.

*link to El Paso Times – Death in the Desert

Daddy

loup
15 June 2014

Thomas Franklin Gibbs, Jr … my daddy. I am sad that I can not sit with you on a “beer night” while we listen to good music and talk about life. There are so many things I still want to talk with you about. I know I’ve said this before but thank you so much for being my DADDY. Thank you for the help with my math homework, thank you for protecting me, thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life. Most of all thank you for giving a wonderful life to Mamma. You will always be the best man I’ve ever known.

Daddy and I

Happy Father’s Day
xoxo

Mamma Rules

loup
11 May 2014

MammaMelody Ann Merckling Gibbs

There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her, miss her, smile because of her. She taught me so many things that I carry with me today. She was kind to animals and never suffered a fool. I am thankful for every moment we had together.

Here are some of the things that my Mamma taught me.

1) DNA does not make you family.
2) The Universe is too big to believe that we are the only planet with life.
3) We are indebted to animals – they run the show, we just pay the bills.
4) Every person you meet teaches you something; even if that lesson is how to avoid assholes.
5) Question Authority, even hers.
6) Sometimes you just have to say FUCK THIS SHIT and move on.
7) Duct tape is magical.
8) Be the kind of friend you want to have.
9) Never pass up a chance to dance.
10) It is perfectly okay to be yourself.

Happy Mother’s Day, I miss you.

I miss you

loup
21 March 2014

Time passes but still not a day goes by that I don’t wish you were still here with me.

Korkie
I miss you

Thank you for finding me to be your very own Human. I will never be able to put into words what you did for me and how the memories of you carry me through. I miss you Korkabork. I always will.

Sometimes …

loup
21 January 2014

Sometimes

I am really good at cutting people out of my life. My mother taught me to trust my instincts and above all else – respect myself. But, every once in a while I find that twinge of sadness, not really guilt, that these people aren’t in my life anymore. I see something in a shop and I pick it up thinking “So and so would love this.” Then I that remember “So and so is a complete ass.” and put it back.

Ugh part 2

loup
22 September 2013

Himself didn’t speak to his mother until last night. I had already vented on my blog and “somebody” told MIL & FIL about the post. It was taken out of context and in my effort to leave names out of it MIL took it all personally. Now I don’t know what is going on, I am tired of dealing with it. I really don’t want anything to do with his family. There is just no real connection there, it is like trying to hang out with strangers because you enjoy the same song or like the color blue. Aside from the past behavior that I can’t seem to really let go – I don’t know I am just too old to worry about other people that don’t seem to genuinely care for me. It seems simple, but it rarely is. Try as I might to let it all go the comments and past jabs over the last 15 years have just left me blank. I am not angry anymore – and life is better once you accept that you are never going to get the apology that you should have gotten. I have told Himself that he can go visit anytime he likes but he says we are a package deal.

Wheeeeeeee

loup
20 September 2013

DH just got off of the phone with his mom. I should have used italics or quotes or SOMETHING in my last post. But — this is my personal journal and after months, nay years of 1 or 2 clicks on my site a week I don’t think about people seeing it.

I even told LK that my last post would ONLY be seen if there was a stalker in the family. Guess what? … 64 clicks in 3 days.

My apologies to my MIL and FIL that there was confusion. I was really trying to keep names off the interwebs.

Ugh.

loup
14 September 2013

Himself spoke to his brother regarding the behavior and comments – it has been weeks but Himself was hoping cooler heads would prevail. BIL continues to say the most hideous things and claims that no one in the family likes us (only my MIL and even then she only tolerates me for Himself). BIL ranted about my WLS and how no one should be proud of me (never asked anyone to be proud of me) for losing weight. He ranted on how we HATE children, we always have to be right and no one else matters. BIL is a small minded twit so full of rage that I am afraid for him. Mostly, I am sad for Himself. I feel very protective of him and this is a hard lesson to learn. Family doesn’t equal LOVE and RESPECT. I am furious that they continue to do this to him.

I do think that Himself should jump on this and clarify with MIL. But whatever happens, happens.

Advice

loup
23 September 2010

I am childfree. No kids by choice. I was sure at age 5 that I never wanted children. At 27 I had my tubes tied, at 31 I had a full hysterectomy. Pushing 38 I am still certain.

I came across this blog post that referenced this blog post and I since I thought it was an interesting idea I decided to offer up my advice.

So here is my advice for a child I will never have.

Don’t rely too much on your parents or friends, they won’t always be there.
Volunteer.
Love with all of your heart – you will get hurt along the way but you will live.
Be kind to animals.
Nice matters.
Boys, open doors for women. Girls, let them.
Pursue you happiness with reckless abandon.
Step outside of your comfort zone.
Don’t just read about life – participate.
Be your own hero.
Remember – nobody is normal.

Well that it is – I thought there would be more but I realized kids need to figure things out for themselves some.