Self-Care Sunday

loup
11 August 2019

Self-Care Sunday

find a safe space
get naked
gently run your hands over your body
all of your body
even the parts that bother you
realize that other people have those parts too
they feel the urge to shame themselves
take a breath and know that you are not alone
then take a moment to appreciate your body
and all that your body does for you
it keeps you alive for fuck’s sake
know that it is okay to love yourself
to accept your body and self
accept your flaws and beauty alike
because after all, that is what makes you

Self- Care

loup
6 August 2019

I thought I had been taking care of my self. I thought wrong. I realize now that so many little things we do to ourselves add up to big things. One day I decided to try to pay attention to my inner dialogue. I stopped counting the negative shit I was thinking about MYSELF. Me, the one person I have. Me, the one person who will be with me for the long haul. Me, the one person that lives in my head – my miserable and loud head.

– how could I be so clumsy
– I look like shit in this outfit
– why did I eat that I am supposed to be working on my weight
– just how fucked up am I
– no-one wants to read what I write
– how can anyone love me – I’m broken
– I shouldn’t complain, a lot of people have it worse
– I have ZERO talent
– how can anyone tolerate my being sick all of the damned time
– who am I to spend so much time concentrating on self-care

You know the kind, these little gems of negativity and horse-shit come and go with regularity. They sometimes creep through with some stealth, and other times they burst through the door like Kramer and Jack Torrance had a baby. Google it; I’ll wait.
So, this is my attempt at accountability. I hope that working on the small stuff will lead to positive changes in the big thing.

I plan to use this category to keep track of my self-care. Writing about my experience and sometimes sharing thoughts and ideas I have about the journey.

Please note that this is my journey, and these are my thoughts and experiences.

** I AM NOT LICENSED IN ANY MEDICAL FIELD. DO NOT CONSIDER ANY OF MY WRITING AS ADVICE. **

Energy

loup
23 May 2019

There comes a time in everyone’s life when they no longer worry about the little things. For some, it arrives with fanfare and a bright silvery bell ringing in their head; for others it is gradual, and in one quiet moment you see it. You understand. Life is too short to waste your energy, your time on things that do not matter. You only get so many moments and giving away time you will never get back on trivial bullshit, and people that do nothing but suck the life out of the room will not bring you true happiness.

I have had that moment. I struggled for a long time with taking on others energy and tragedies. Things I couldn’t even change for them if I tried. I just sucked all of that negativity into my soul and held onto it. Maybe I believed if I held it all in, I could keep it from the people I cared about, somehow save them from the pain, from themselves. That didn’t happen, and all that it did do was rob me of time, the time I spent on shit that I could not change.

That stops now. We only have a limited amount of time on this rock, and I am no longer interested in spending time on negative shit that I didn’t cause, I can’t fix, and ultimately is none of my business.

Elan Gale

loup
20 April 2019
quotable

I’m going to keep this short and sweet. Every day you’re alive is unearned. Every day you exist on Earth is a fucking miracle. Your parents made you and raised you (or didn’t) without your permission. But now you’re here. You’ll be dead soon. But you’re not dead yet.

That truly won’t last forever. Every time you drive down the freeway you’re trusting that all those other people out there won’t just cross that median and kill you. Every time you eat at a restaurant you’re trusting that the chef won’t accidentally poison you. Every time you close your eyes you’re trusting that a psychotic stranger won’t stab you in the fucking face and make a mask out of your skin.

This life is temporary. Death is permanent. You will do very few things while you are here on Earth, but you will do NOTHING forever. Don’t waste your time here doing nothing. There is plenty of time for that while you chill in the ground until the cemetery you ended up in gets turned into a Walmart.

Life is glorious. Life is full of adventure. Life is full of limitless opportunity.

Don’t waste it. Don’t wait. There is no promise of tomorrow.

Elan Gale

Sheenagh Pugh

loup
14 April 2019
quotable

What if this road, that has no held surprises
these many years, decided not to go
home after all; what if it could turn
left or right with no more ado
than a kite-tail? What if its tarry skin
were like a long, supple bolt of cloth,
that is shaken and rolled out, and takes
a new shape from the contours beneath?
And if it chose to lay itself down
in a new way; around a blind corner,
across hills you must climb without knowing
what’s on the other side; who would not hanker
to be going, at all risks? Who wants to know
a story’s end, or where a road will go?

Sheenagh Pugh

Invisible

loup
2 April 2019

They don’t see me
I live in the shadow of her memory

When I speak, it’s her words they hear
I scream I plead; I rage against them

There is nothing; it’s futile to try.

I am not her living memory – I am me
She was once, but now I am
Not dishonoring her, I am just me

Plainly underestimated
Obviously ignored

I carry my torch; I have too
She didn’t teach me to follow
She didn’t want me to mimic her

Let me go – let me be me
Let me rage outside of her shadow

LGK – 18 Nov 2003

José Micard Teixeira

loup
21 March 2019
quotable

I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.

José Micard Teixeira

Danna Faulds

loup
20 March 2019
quotable

Let go of the ways you thought life would unfold; the holding of plans or dreams or expectations – Let it all go. Save your strength to swim with the tide. The choice to fight what is here before you now will only result in struggle, fear, an desperate attempts to flee from the very energy you long for. Let go.

Let it all go and flow with the grace that washes through your days whether you receive it gently or with all your quills raised to defend against invaders. Take this on faith; the mind may never find the explanations that it seeks, but you will move forward nonetheless.

Let go, and the wave’s crest will carry you to unknown shores, beyond your wildest dreams or destinations. Let it all go and find the place of rest and peace, and certain transformation.

Danna Faulds –  from Go In and In

Karma Calling

loup
19 March 2019

I want you to know I take no joy in my work. It is complicated, messy and it pays for shit. I don’t pop out of bed with a need or drive that comes from pleasure to do what I do. It merely needs to be done. Laws and society have failed these creatures – so someone has to force the hand of change. I wish it didn’t have to be me, but I can’t sleep at night knowing no one else will step to the task. It is a dangerous job, and you have to have the stomach for it, which in truth I don’t. I don’t like the mess. But sometimes, most of the time, the world is messy, so I work through it. My benefactors don’t have the constitution for this work, but they have deep pockets and motivation.

Uncle Sam gave me some skills and allowed me to travel around the world, but I never had the time actually to see it, much less enjoy it. What I did notice was the worst of the human race. Greed is a big motivator, and the black market for the darkest and most depraved desires of humans provides a means to acquire these things. The poachers, murderers for hire, killing machines really; poachers kill these animals for myth and superstition. The parts and pieces of the animals that are some magical cure-all that bring millions of dollars on the black market. The horns of the Rhino, gall bladders of bears, small bits of the animals for the highest bidder. They will kill anyone that gets in their way as well. Then the big game hunt guides take the highest bidder out to kill magnificent creatures just for the photo op, the wild animals as well as the “canned hunts.” These are particularly disgusting. The animals cared for in a confined area are killed by “hunters” buying the cowardly opportunity to kill them.

It is shit like this that has me saying “what in the fuck is wrong with people?!” several times a day. I have to admit as a killer myself; I am not very creative. There are times where I have to improvise, but usually, I stick with the “Do Unto Others” rule. Whatever they do, I do in turn. It keeps it simple. I’ve managed to live a quiet, under the radar life. It seems I have to come clean if I want to get the message out that if you torture and murder animals someone is willing to put their life on the line to stop you once and for all.

Here is my story.

Emily McDowell

loup
18 March 2019
quotable

“Finding Yourself” is not really how it works. You aren’t a ten-dollar bill in last winter’s coat pocket. You are also not lost. Your true self is right there, buried under cultural conditioning, other people’s opinions, and inaccurate conclusions you drew as a kid that became your beliefs about who you are. “Finding Yourself” is actually returning to yourself. An unlearning, an excavation, a remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you.

Emily McDowell