I am really good at cutting people out of my life. My mother taught me to trust my instincts and above all else – respect myself. But, every once in a while I find that twinge of sadness, not really guilt, that these people aren’t in my life anymore. I see something in a shop and I pick it up thinking “So and so would love this.” Then I that remember “So and so is a complete ass.” and put it back.
Ugh part 2
Himself didn’t speak to his mother until last night. I had already vented on my blog and “somebody” told MIL & FIL about the post. It was taken out of context and in my effort to leave names out of it MIL took it all personally. Now I don’t know what is going on, I am tired of dealing with it. I really don’t want anything to do with his family. There is just no real connection there, it is like trying to hang out with strangers because you enjoy the same song or like the color blue. Aside from the past behavior that I can’t seem to really let go – I don’t know I am just too old to worry about other people that don’t seem to genuinely care for me. It seems simple, but it rarely is. Try as I might to let it all go the comments and past jabs over the last 15 years have just left me blank. I am not angry anymore – and life is better once you accept that you are never going to get the apology that you should have gotten. I have told Himself that he can go visit anytime he likes but he says we are a package deal.
DH just got off of the phone with his mom. I should have used italics or quotes or SOMETHING in my last post. But — this is my personal journal and after months, nay years of 1 or 2 clicks on my site a week I don’t think about people seeing it.
I even told LK that my last post would ONLY be seen if there was a stalker in the family. Guess what? … 64 clicks in 3 days.
My apologies to my MIL and FIL that there was confusion. I was really trying to keep names off the interwebs.
Case of the Mondays
I had an RFAx3 this morning with my lovely pain doc at UNC. She is amazing. Went in feeling awful pain – on a mortal scale a #8 *grins* – left with zero pain. I am itching a bit and during the procedure I became very tearful and emotional. Maybe the Fentanyl, maybe the squabbling sibling nonsense. Dunno. Himself is prepping the rig, it is currently a cluttered mess and it makes me a little frantic, but I am trying not to nap. I am sure everything will find a place. I do hope that he calls his mother soon. I do NOT want to waste the fuel on a trip to KY if we are not wanted. There ARE people who love us that we don’t see enough of and I would rather put more into THOSE relationships instead of trying to salvage something for nothing. I have no patience anymore for this kind of bullshit nicety – dislike me or not – but don’t try to pretend, just be real about it. Save us both the effort.
Himself spoke to his brother regarding the behavior and comments – it has been weeks but Himself was hoping cooler heads would prevail. BIL continues to say the most hideous things and claims that no one in the family likes us (only my MIL and even then she only tolerates me for Himself). BIL ranted about my WLS and how no one should be proud of me (never asked anyone to be proud of me) for losing weight. He ranted on how we HATE children, we always have to be right and no one else matters. BIL is a small minded twit so full of rage that I am afraid for him. Mostly, I am sad for Himself. I feel very protective of him and this is a hard lesson to learn. Family doesn’t equal LOVE and RESPECT. I am furious that they continue to do this to him.
I do think that Himself should jump on this and clarify with MIL. But whatever happens, happens.