Fibro Follies

loup
23 May 2011

Since January my back and left leg has been acting up. I thought it was on the way out for a while then I started physical therapy. Mistake. After each session the pain got worse. Break through pain sending me into the fetal position crying out. It has been a rough patch for sure.

I had x-rays done at the chiropractor last week and while he can see wear and tear thanks to my age and weight there isn’t anything major showing on the films. The sessions have been helpful but over the weekend the break through pain has returned.

I have an appointment at the UNC pain clinic (moving from Duke) this week but it is just a consult. So I doubt they are going to have anything to say about the pain or a treatment plan until after we get back from our RV trip in June. But I am hopeful that I can get back in before we leave. Just not holding my breath.

For some reason this pain is causing me more anxiety than usual. I am curbing my habits and saying no to things that I would most likely otherwise do because of fear. It hurts that bad. I am afraid of the pain.

Living with fibromyalgia I have become intimate with pain. I don’t know why this is different. I honestly think I have just been on edge since the surgery. I don’t know why. It is something I chose to do to myself, for myself. But with the surgery and especially the lifestyle after the surgery is filled with anxiousness.

So as I learn to live my new life I am trying to let go of some of this anxiety – I can’t get rid of the worry gene that I was born with (thank Mamma) but I can try to get it under control.

That’s my journey.

Finally

loup
14 April 2011

I have lost over 40lbs and everything surgery related has been smooth. However – a terrible pain in my back/hip/left leg kept me from sitting at my desk for over 2 months. I saw a PT yesterday and even though the 3 doctors I saw said it was sciatica – PT thinks it is a bulging disc and thinks he can help. Finally, some hope to end the pain.

I had a lidocaine infusion done because I thought it was fibro pain. That didn’t work. So the doc called for a radio frequency ablation of the S1, S2, and S3 on the left side. That didn’t do it. So off to the spine clinic I went – they were no help. Tho, doc there did put me on Tramadol which has brought the pain level down quite a bit in intensity. She sent me to the PT. So yesterday was the first day anyone really gave me a glimmer of hope to and end to this pain.

I am set to do therapy in the heated pool for a month and have some exercises to do at home. So I am hopeful. I seem to be on the back end of it any how – the intensity has decreased and I have made improvements. But it has been slow going and the first month after the surgery dealing with high pain levels as well as everything major surgery brings had me down in the dumps. I was miserable. But last week I made a choice – I suffer from pain every day it is just a matter of how intense it is. That is life with fibromyalgia. I made a choice that I am only going to be as happy as I allow myself to be. And I am giving myself permission to be happy. Just because I am in pain doesn’t mean it has to control my life and keep me miserable.

Now if I could get to a point where I could drive again I could get out of the house and get on with life. Wish me luck.

= )

Week One – down

loup
6 March 2011

Tomorrow I get to introduce my new guts to full liquids. I am so excited. Still no chewing – I miss chewing – but at least I can have a cup of real tea with cream!

Am loving the weight loss — 16 lbs down week one.

The only problem I am having so far is the pre-op sciatica bullshit.
I am calling my surgeon tomorrow to see how long after I stop the Lovenox can I get
the nerve fried (again). It is my S1, S2, and S3 that have degenerative disc disease and I have had RF ablation on those nerves before. But according to the Lovenox paperwork I shouldn’t have any spinal work done while taking this stuff.

Ugh. Random pain sucks.

Prep Time Once Again

loup
27 February 2011

So here it is time for me to go on the all clear liquid diet until midnight tomorrow – then the nothing til after surgery diet.

I like to think I am calmer this time around but let’s face it this really is a life altering deal. I am ready but I am still a little worried about the surgery and being away from my dogs. I know it is just my issues with anxiety talking. I really am a worry wart at heart and there is no medication for that.

I am armed with more information that I probably need, I have the support of LK and other friends and family, I trust my doctor knows what he is doing and really beyond that I can’t do much more, can I?

Don’t Poke the Bear

loup
16 February 2011

I had a break down in therapy today. Cried and sobbed and cried some more. I thought I was past the disappointment of having to reschedule my surgery. But it turns out I needed a good cry. As I write this, I am tearing up.

For someone who has anxiety issues as well as highly sensitive traits the blow of working myself up to the surgery only to be sent home, no matter how good the reason was, was traumatic. I ignored that feeling. I pushed it down – angry and emotional – I thought if I ignored it and trudged on was for the best.

Plus for a week or more my left leg has been in knots, I think the stress induced a little fibro action. Add to that a heavy dose of antibiotics that are playing havoc with my serotonin levels – I am a hot mess.

I am trying to put things into perspective and not be the grumpy bear that I know I am right now. That is all I can do. I sometimes forget to be gentle with myself, and it comes back and bites me in the ass.

Better Safe

loup
10 February 2011

After all of that pre-surgery prep work, I didn’t get into the OR today. Something the doctors think may be MRSA was found on my stomach – so I am taking antibiotics and am rescheduled for March 1.

Could have gotten in earlier I am sure but I was NOT missing our PENS @ Canes game on the 25th.

Disappointed and upset that I have to wait and do the prep work all over again but better that than have this rash really be MRSA and I go under only to infect my blood and whole body. Right now it is a spot the size of my pinky nail —

Shit happens but I’ve waited this long I’ll just keep on keepin’ on.

Gentle my butt!!

loup
9 February 2011

My doctor suggested that 2 days before the surgery I take a laxative. Well I have IBS thanks to the fibromyalgia and I tried a stool softener instead of an out right laxative in hopes to avoid the gas pain and urgency. No dice.

I am sticking close to my bathroom til this passes.

Good thing though I am not thinking about food as much now … gross I know.

Anyhow just trying to keep it real and keep a log of what is going on … sorry for the over share.

Dream a little dream

loup
2 February 2011

Lately, my dreams have been crazy. All over the place and pulling every emotion out of me. Luckily I do not remember them long after I wake – but I am waking up to a sense of “WHAT THE HELL?” they are just weird.

This may be the pre-surgery jitters working out. It could be that Sidney hasn’t been on the ice in a while – (YES I have dreams about Sidney on the ice!!!)

I have been calm in the dreams even when everything is going crazy. The one I had last night was a bit of two things… trying to get to safety after something caused radiation to be a problem – I can’t remember if it was a nuclear reactor or a war. Either way, I was level-headed and was packing up the truck and a horse trailer with supplies and my critters. I knew I had to get to a particular place to be safe and I was working on making that happen.

It was weird. When I think back on it, I wonder why I wasn’t a nervous wreck. Maybe it is my brain’s way of telling me that even in fleeting moments of doubt about this surgery that I will handle it like a champ and it is all gonna be okay.

That’s how I am taking it anyhow. Seven sleeps til I close this chapter and start a new one. *grins*

Until next time, sweet dreams.

Got a hot date!

loup
24 January 2011

I have been scheduled for surgery. I go in 10 February in the afternoon to start the next chapter. I am so excited. I was afraid that it was going to be too close to the hockey game and I would have to wait until March. Hey – I have seats at Center Ice and NOTHING is stopping me from going to see my boys play.

Realistically time has flown by. I first met with Dr. Tyner on August 15 to talk about the options – and now 6 months later I am getting ready to go under the laproscopic knife. = )

Thanks again to all of my family and friends for all of the support and love. You guys rock.

Approved!

loup
20 January 2011

I got the call this morning that insurance came back approving the surgery. She told me it was the fastest she’d ever seen. Guess it is meant to be! I am so excited. I meet with the surgeon on Monday morning to set up a date for the actual surgery.

I have read everything, done research out the wazoo and spoken with my therapist at length. I have LK’s support and the support from friends and family so I am all set.

I am ready to make this HUGE change for ME – I want to be healthier for myself and my loved ones.

Here we go!!