I thought I had been taking care of my self. I thought wrong. I realize now that so many little things we do to ourselves add up to big things. One day I decided to try to pay attention to my inner dialogue. I stopped counting the negative shit I was thinking about MYSELF. Me, the one person I have. Me, the one person who will be with me for the long haul. Me, the one person that lives in my head – my miserable and loud head.
– how could I be so clumsy
– I look like shit in this outfit
– why did I eat that I am supposed to be working on my weight
– just how fucked up am I
– no-one wants to read what I write
– how can anyone love me – I’m broken
– I shouldn’t complain, a lot of people have it worse
– I have ZERO talent
– how can anyone tolerate my being sick all of the damned time
– who am I to spend so much time concentrating on self-care
You know the kind, these little gems of negativity and horse-shit come and go with regularity. They sometimes creep through with some stealth, and other times they burst through the door like Kramer and Jack Torrance had a baby. Google it; I’ll wait.
So, this is my attempt at accountability. I hope that working on the small stuff will lead to positive changes in the big thing.
I plan to use this category to keep track of my self-care. Writing about my experience and sometimes sharing thoughts and ideas I have about the journey.
Please note that this is my journey, and these are my thoughts and experiences.
** I AM NOT LICENSED IN ANY MEDICAL FIELD. DO NOT CONSIDER ANY OF MY WRITING AS ADVICE. **