Rated R for sadistic brutal violence including a rape and disturbing images, language, nudity and some drug use.

This is actually a description for the movie “Last House on the Left” … but the first time I read it I thought — that pretty much sums up my life.

Over on the board J has a couple of threads going with some of his random thoughts … I snagged a couple that made me laugh out loud — enjoy.
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If I could smile I would, but as I pull this ax out of your head I can’t help but think, “Maybe I did order thin crust.”
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It’s like taking candy from a baby. Well, actually it’s more like tearing the arms and legs brutally from a babys torso.
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Living is like being dead, but it sucks more.
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I’d love to give a shit … I really would.
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When I drink and drive I make sure I have gun on me and really good running shoes … I ain’t goin’ to jail.

FIRSTS
First job: cleaning out horse stalls
First screen name: LOUP
First self-purchased CD: Beastie Boys Licensed to Ill
First piercing/tattoo: p- ears t-that ugly ass buffalo
First true love: LK
First enemy: my biological father
LASTS
Last big car ride: went to see friends in Winchester
Last kiss: about 3 minutes ago
Last library book checked out: Darwin Among the Machines by George B. Dyson
Last movie seen: The Slaughter Rule with David Morse & Ryan Gosling
Last beverage drank: water
Last food consumed: chicken with peanut sauce
Last phone call: LK
Last CD played: ELO on the iPod
Last annoyance: LK teasing the dogs
Last pop drank: Fanta over crushed ice
Last ice cream eaten: Cold Stone Creamery, sweet cream with brownie
Last time scolded: a couple of weeks ago when my aunt found out the dr thought I might have cancer and I didn’t tell her right away — she was on vacation.
Last shirt worn: Childfree – It sucks to be MOO (Thanks Vicious)
I…
I am: about to watch a movie.
I want: chocolate chip cookies.
I have: a great life.
I wish: I had more patience.
I hate: stupid people.
I fear: stupid people in large groups.
I hear: the dishwasher and Kita snoring.
I search: with Google.
I wonder: who wrote the book of love.
I regret: absolutely nothing.
I love: LK and my dogs.
I always: speak my mind.
I am not: going to be able to talk LK into going to the store to get cookies.
I dance: like a woman having a seizure.
I sing: off key.
I cry: when I feel like it.
YES or NO:
You keep a diary: yes
You like to cook: yes
You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: no
DO YOU…?
Have a crush: lots of them
Want to get married: to LK sure — another wedding means more gifts right?
Get motion sickness: sometimes
You’re a health freak: umm… no.
Current hair color: the sun has bleached out the auburn and now it is sort of yellow — bleh.
Eye color: gray
Birthplace: Ohio
FAVORITES
Number: 3
Color: blue
Day: Friday
Month: April and October
Songs: just about everything that is on my ipod right now = )
Season: Spring / Autumn
Drink: cold water, hot tea
PREFERENCES
Cuddle or make out: cuddle
Chocolate milk or hot chocolate: hot chocolate
Milk, dark, or white chocolate: DARK… like 80% Cocoa dark!
Vanilla or chocolate: Chocolate
IN THE LAST 24 HRS, HAVE YOU…
Cried? no
Helped someone? yes
Bought something? yes- groceries
Gotten sick? no
Gone to the movies? no
Said ‘I love you’?: yes
Written a real letter: no
Talked to an ex?: no
Missed an ex?: no
Written in a journal?: yes
Had a serious talk?: yes
Missed someone? yes
Hugged someone? yes
…. ok there you have it folks — another quiz (Gawd I love those things!)

A few weeks ago my doctor put me on a beta blocker that has been found to help with migraines. Thursday I called her office to let her know how it was doing – I am tired all of the time and I started to notice some aching in my chest the night before. All normal, my body needs time to adjust. So I take my pill and go to bed – now it isn’t an ache, but it doesn’t really pain either. I had a little trouble getting to sleep, but I made it. I go about my day, no ache, no pain, fine. I take my nightly dose, and 2 hours later in the middle of Lonesome Dove, my chest HURTS. I saw my cousin online (a nurse) and tell her what is going on and ask for any suggestions on what it is. She says “GO TO THE ER NOW”.

I get in there — they hook me up to all sorts of beeping gadgets. My oxygen was 100%, my pulse was 59 and my blood pressure 97/68 (low but to be expected with the type of drug I am on). The EKG was normal, but the doctor wanted to do more, I was tired but grateful someone was taking this seriously. I didn’t freak out about the chest pains until my cousin did. My mom had heart problems and knowing that this drug I was taking could cause heart problems I wasn’t feeling too froggy about the whole thing.
They brought the x-ray man to me; I didn’t have to wander around the hospital at midnight in my gown with my ass hanging out — of course, they probably did this for their protection, but I was grateful just the same.  Then I had blood drawn. Both the x-ray and the blood tests came back normal. Well, my sugar was up, but, I had a sweet potato for dinner and a couple of chocolate chip cookies for dessert. And I am happy to report that my cholesterol is down 20 points since the last time I had it checked.
It turns out that one of the side effects of this drug (other than whole cardiac arrest thing) is gastrointestinal pain. Yup, I had heartburn. Lovely. The doctor gave me some Pepcid and sent me home.
Well at least I didn’t have a heart attack, and my insurance is good enough to pay for the visit.
How was your Friday night?

Lately I have been having the strangest dreams, like bad movies. Last nights feature presentation was by far the strangest. Bombers and jets flying overhead in V formation – missles coming toward me but before they got anywhere close another missle would shoot up and destroy it. There was a huge explosion.
The explosion burnt the sky – where the blue sky and clouds were now was a hole and you could see the black space with stars. All of this happened while I was on my porch.
All of sudden I was at a large accident on a small road (you know how you just jump from scene to scene in movies — and dreams). There must have been a dozen vehicles involved. I helped move a car out of the way to look for someone — then I was back on my porch.
There was a big bbq going on and we had music and laughter. I had to leave for work and as I walked past this big chair Billy Bob Thorton thanked me for being his friend and I said “I like the way you talk.”
Then I woke up.

This is the scariest thing I have ever read: “The Federal
Communications Commission overruled its staff and said an expletive
uttered by rock singer Bono on NBC was both indecent and profane. It
marked the first time that the FCC cited a four-letter word as profane;
the commission previously equated profanity with language challenging
God’s divinity.”
WHAT THE FUCK??
Profanity is like challenging God’s divinity? Whose fucking God? Fuck,
what if you don’t have a God? Then what — fuck is okay? Jeezie creezie
these fuckers are getting scary. Anyone wanna buy me a fucking ticket
to the UK … as far as I know FUCK is still legal over there. Fucking
uptight crazy ass amerikkkan jesus freaks.
And in case you missed it –I am fucking unnerved by this fucking shit!
FUCK

I woke up this morning from a nasty nightmare. One of those all alone
and you know it sort of feelings. I literally woke up screaming — I
have gotten used to the nightmares over the years and most of the time
I just brush them off and go back to sleep. It has been a long time
since I have been haunted by a dream like this. I suppose a lot of it
has to do with my family. I am going to see them tomorrow for a few
days. There are a few people in the family I like to see and visit with
but sadly the ones I don’t like (down right hate) make the visits more
like work than vacation. We went on a spur of the moment sort of thing
a month ago and got suckered into doing computer work and now we have
to return the fruits of LKs labor. Before that it had been 2 years
since I had been there. I was up late because I couldn’t sleep for all
of the what could happen scenarios going on in my brain. The last trip
was so suddened that I didn’t realize I was anxious at all. This time
it is different. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to be there. If the
few people I wanted to see would just come see me I would be oh so
happy. Even then it is tense because I am not like these people. I am
not into the same hobbies or believe the same things. It is a trying
experience at best.
I am eternally grateful for my mother and her ability to see past the
moment and get out of that place. She allowed me a freedom I never
would have experienced there. She gave me free thought, expression and
the courage to be who I am. I am certain that had she not packed her
shit and gotten the hell out of Dodge I would be just like them — and
that terrifies me. It is okay for some I suppose, but I would have died
a horrible death of spirit asphyxiation were I to have lived there for
very long.

I recently read in some dark corner of the internet that the only
reason one would keep an online journal would be to complain about the
hell that is their life. I don’t know that I believe that. My life
isn’t all that bad. If you stand back and look at it my life is
actually kind of nice. I rant a lot but not about anything that
controls my happy / sad factor. Just annoying things. I don’t know why
I bother really except just to get it off of my mind. Rant a bit then
forget it. I have a wonderful person in my life who adores me and
spoils me rotten. I have 2 fantastic dogs that could not be better at
being cute if they tried and all of the toys and gadgets a girl needs.
And to the dark corner of the net I say … you can so blog and be
happy … so there.

the fall of techtv … I wonder just how many geekgrrls are implants on
legs in real life? I think that chick with her suggestion of
catoftheday.com as her siteorama pick as a cool geekie site suggestion
threw me into a tail spin, Martin’s sidekick just took me over the
edge…. I wonder what she does with her tits when she is off the air.
Where do they find these women? Obviously not at computer shows. = )
What bothers me the most is that the men look like real men. Slacker
hair and all. These women look like they were living in LA waiting on
their big break when techtv came calling. Probably use AOL too. It
should be said that I have been watching TechTV since way back in the
day- when it was ZDTV and they had real geeks on there. No 30 year old
reruns of crappy shows and battle bot spinoffs. I am just really tired
of the men getting all of the cool geek heros on that channel and the
women getting stuck with ditzy bimbos who think that changing the
background color on your desktop is a tip we all are sitting about
holding our breath for. CLUE: if you didn’t know how to change your bg
color you are NOT geekie … just sad.
I wish there were female versions of Leo, Patrick, Yoshi and Kevin is
all. And for the love of all that is geeky get a fucking Linux show on
that damned channel before my beloved hubby snaps into some sort of
coma like depression!!!