Now What

loup
15 February 2002

Hi all. I apologize for my recent silence online. I have not been able to get to a computer until today. We arrived around 2300 on Monday night – after a quick visit to the house and change of clothes we went to ICU to visit Mamma – Her vitals had been stable until I arrived – although the nurses said that they were falling it wasn’t enough for them to even note it in the records yet. When I got there, she was unresponsive, but I know she knew I was there. We took her off of the fluids as they weren’t helping and decided to let nature run its course. Her oxygen level dropped to 13%, and she started to turn blue, and I just told her she HAD to hang on and wait for Daddy – we had called him in, and he was on his way, but she HAD to wait on him. Her O2 levels started to climb then – this is how I know she knew I was there. = )

She let go of this life on Tuesday, February 5th at about 330am surrounded by loved ones. She was never in any pain, and when her body gave out it was swift and quiet. We could have put her on a life support system and kept her body alive, but the damage proved too high. She would never have come back to us. We did for her what she wanted – we let nature take its course. Mamma was such an independent woman that she would never have wanted to spend her last days depending on a machine. – Unless of course, it was a computer that had free online bingo *grins*

She will continue being an amazing force in my life as well as the lives of those she touched. I just keep telling myself the three things that my Mamma spent her entire life pounding into my brain …

1) Everything happens for a reason
2) Everything works out for the best
3) You will never have any more than you can handle

I wanted to thank you all for your kind words, well wishes, thoughts and prayers. I know that Mamma hung in there until I could come and say goodbye and for that, I will always be grateful.

If I am not around for a while longer I know you all will understand… we are all having a hard time with this, but we realize that she wouldn’t have left us if we couldn’t have handled it.

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