Mom is gone…

8 February 2002

We made it out to Carlsbad about 2 hours before my mom died.
I had to be the one to make the final decision to let her go. Her kidneys were shutting down and the scans were showing no activity in her brain. The stroke was a major one. Once I got to the hospital the nurses had told me they were just about to call because she was going downhill and if we were going to put her on life support now would be the time. I am numb. I can’t cry because I need to be strong for dad and I don’t think it has hit me yet.

This is all just so crazy. Just Friday night I spoke with her on the phone – complaining about LKs dad. She seemed fine. I don’t know what I am going to do without her.

29 and holding

10 January 2002

I am really bothered by this birthday. Not so much by the number but because we had to spend the money we set aside for it on something mature and responsible. A new washing machine. There is no denying it now.

I have become an adult — and I fucking hate it.


5 December 2001

I wanted to tell you why I don’t want children so that it may help others who may be on the fence realize that they are not alone and that there is NOTHING wrong with them. I have also found that there is a prejudice against people who don’t want kids.

The next time someone who isn’t really sure about what they are feeling and think they are losing their minds comes online and searches the word childfree … maybe seeing that there are so many of us out here they won’t feel alone in the sea of commercials for diapers, Dizzkneeland and Brats R Us. Also to help stop people from thinking all of that crazy bullshit that people think when you tell them you don’t want/ like children. Since I can remember I have never wanted children. I’ve never even liked kids, even when I was a child I didn’t like to be around them. I didn’t play well with others so to speak. I was raised as an only child. I don’t like the mess children make, the smells children make, the noise children make, the stress in a relationship they can cause, the financial turmoil they can put you in, the list goes on. It is a personal choice, and I can live with it.

And it really isn’t that I hate children. I dislike, as many people – parents and non-parents alike, ill-behaved children. But many of my friends and family have children tha I enjoy spending time with. I just enjoy going back to m quiet home much more.

I recently had a Tubal Ligation as a form of birth control. My doctors didn’t hesitate to agree to this after I explained why I wanted it done. If I ever decide to have children I will adopt, after all my Daddy is not linked to me by DNA why should that kind of thing matter to me if I have kids. Love is love.

Just don’t let people get you down and certainly try not to let their short-comings as a parent or human give you pause with your choices in life. Make yourself happy.

slackin off

22 October 2001

Sheeesh been forever since I have posted. My apologies on that .. just been a hectic month!! No problems from the surgery. Had a fantastic anniversary back home at the parents house. Stopped into Kentucky to see LK’s family. Was a nice vacation all around. LK is busy as ever working on computers. I am itching to get back to the farm. Sent out quite a few resumes to local vets. Looking to gain more insight and information on jobs regarding animals … I hate retail and I have to start some place. Everything is going well for us.

Last update

28 September 2001

Unless something major happens.

We ended up coming to my parents house last night. It is about a 4hour drive … will be probably the last relaxing weekend I get here in the mountains since they are moving to New Mexico in a matter of weeks. As I was getting into the shower this morning I noticed a lot of bruising. Nothing hurt, just ugly black and blue marks. Am feeling pretty good.

No pain, doing regular stuff … thought there would be something worth posting but guess not … will wait until my check up to post again!!! Happy Snipping!!!