because i said so

got ink?

Posted on October 7th, 2008 by loup.
Categories: .

Ink is addictive.  Once you get your first tattoo – you can’t help but think of “next time”.  There are some people that get them on a whim, a dare or bet.  There are those that get them to be part of something – a gang, a clique, a frat house club.  Then there are those of us who consider it art. We have been into the ink and the process for as long as we can remember.

My mother swore that when I was a very little LOUPster I wanted a tattoo.  Now I can remember vividly around 13 trying to figure out where I could get ink without my mom finding out and killing me as a result.  She says I started asking for tattoos at the age of 4.  That is about the time I saw a tattoo, it was a shitty piece with some eagle or something, and still it mesmerized me.  I have always been in love with tattoos.  Of course back then I didn’t know the difference between shitty prison ink and artwork.  I was just amazed that skin could be a canvas. Out of respect for my mother I waited until I was of legal age .. and then some.

When I was 20 I finally got up the nerve to get one.  Don’t look at me that way, that shit hurts.  You can’t lie to me.  I went with one of my dearest friends, Greg, to a local shop and I since I didn’t do my homework I ended up with a piece of shit on my arm.  I learned my lesson and now you don’t get to come near me with ink and a needle unless I have done my research on you – seen your work – and even then I am not sold.  It has paid off – because my work now is lovely.  I get compliments on it regularly.  I have 11 pieces (not counting the covered up piece of shit first timer) and I am not done yet … there are still a few designs floating about in my head … but we will have to see what happens next.

With the good comes the bad – and even after all of this time it still amazes me when I hear shit like … YOU LOOK SO NORMAL … YOU have tattoos? … YOU ARE GOING TO HELL!!!! … I used to have witty comebacks and such – but lately I just let the ignorant sheeple alone.  I don’t have the energy to beat sense into these people.  They outnumber me 6.6 billion to 1.  The people I love and give a damn about enjoy my ink but even if they didn’t it wouldn’t matter because the ink makes me happy and I am the one that has to live with it..

Every piece has special meaning for me – the triple moon goddess – my mom went with me, the tribal wolf on my breast hurt so much it made me cry, all of the critters and imagery signify a moment in my life that will be with me forever.

I don’t have a favorite – I love them all — but the one that gets the most attention and has the most interesting story behind it is the piece on my right forearm. It is a verse from a song a dear friend of mine wrote.

The story of this tattoo starts in November 2002. I met BLUE, musician, on usenet on his birthday on a childfree board. After meeting in person at a party he invited LK and I to a live performance.  About a month later we made the trip to Winchester, VA to hear “Booze Monkey”.  It was a blast – we hung out after the show with many cool cats at the area IHOP. Just before the good-byes and see ya laters in the parking lot at about 4am BLUEs better half Chrissy handed us a box of swag.  Several cds, shirt, stickers (I am a sticker whore btw) – it was great.

On the trip home LK slept as I listened to the cd “Something Borrowed Something” – it was released as a solo effort by BLUE.  As I drove down Route 17 in the black night it became familiar to me, looking much like the roads of Floyd County, VA. My parents had moved one year prior from Floyd to New Mexico. A few months after that move my mother died from a massive stroke. Just a few weeks after that – my father died from cancer. He didn’t want to fight without my mother and I was the only one who could stay with him in the end and it nearly killed me to let him go after I was forced to let Mamma go.

On this night I was thinking about where my life was and the road that I was on brought back a flood of memories. As the tears rolled down my face – grieving for my dead mother, my dead father and the loss of the future I didn’t have with them – the song “Partial to Grey” began. I listened to the words and it froze a moment in time for me. When I was wondering what I would do without my parents, how I would go on, when my daddy was my hero and my mamma my best friend a star shot across the night sky. It was so vivid and appeared to be so close that I believed as I rounded the corner it would be lying in the middle of this otherwise dark highway. The words sang out to me “I’d like to preserve this moment as the flame it reflects in your eyes. An instant of joy, soon to be lost in a world of sadness and lies.”

That moment I believed it would be okay. I don’t know if it was a sign, or if I even believe in things like that. But I know that my mother and I would spend hours watching stars and the night sky and for those thoughts to be invading my soul as those words entered my mind just as that star fell – it was too much for me to believe it was a coincidence.

I told BLUE the story and the song became mine. Every time I was in the audience and he played it, he dedicated it to me.  The memory of that moment on Route 17 in the middle of the night stays with me just as fresh as it happened.  In 2006 I went to Blue Horseshoe Tattoo in Hampton, VA and got the words put on my arm – not because I needed to be reminded of that moment and my parents but because I wanted that moment recognized and honored.  I called BLUE to ask permission – but got voice mail – so crossing fingers I went ahead. When he found out he was more than agreeable to the idea – he was floored.

Since then many people have asked me about the words – some get it – some don’t.  I have told people that it is my suicide note and I have told people the truth about it.  It depends on their reaction and belief in their genuine interest.

Behind every one of my tattoos there is a reason, a story. I have 12 tattoos and if I told you all of those reasons and stories we could be here a while.

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