From the road

Posted on April 5th, 2010 by loup.
Categories: Ranting.

Greetings from somewhere in Arkansas. We didn’t stop in Memphis on the way out because there is a sort of deadline to get to Vegas. My aunt and uncle won’t be there after a certain date and if we stop every where we won’t make it in time. = ( I did pick up a new Elvis magnet noting the 75th year of the King. = )

Most of the landscape looks like stuff we have seen and that which holds a new beauty is short lived – the addition of some church signs telling passersbys that we are all doomed to a hell makes me wish people would just keep that shit to themselves.

Honestly I USED to not care what a person thought or felt about religion so long as they didn’t impose their beliefs on others or do harm. Well I have come to a point in my life where I can not see how anyone could really believe that their silence on things like sexual predator priests, or jihads is not harming the world. Humanity. As it was once said better than I could … Your silence will not protect you. So I feel this trip is opening my eyes.

Hatred of others is a hobby in this country. Hatred of what you don’t understand, Hatred of what you fear … hatred for hates sake. Is it any wonder the world HATES us?

I never understood religion. Spirituality I can accept with at least some reason. But seeing these billboards it has made me aware that no good can come from organized religion. Nothing more than a cult, a mob mentality. However you slice it – it is bad for everyone.

I just wish more people were open to having this conversation – with out trying to prove their side. I have never had much use for a god – and now as my days pass by me and my confidence in logic and my intelligence grows I am losing patience for the followers of any god.

On our way home we are set to drive through Topeka – home to Fred Phelps and his hate mongers of the almighty word of his god. Not lumping all religions in with the home brew of Phelps but I have met few who followed a god without being narrow minded and judgmental over those who openly don’t believe the like.

Maybe this trip will be a pilgrimage of logic, trying to be more confident in my own choices and thoughts and beliefs.

2 comments.

Rant? Yes, thank you.

Posted on February 7th, 2010 by loup.
Categories: Ranting.

People that freak me out.
I was surfing and poking around the internet and I thought on several stumbles that people freak me the fuck out.

Not all people mind you – but most people. Typically the artsy, eco-friendly people that consider themselves hip parental types with strange looking toddlers wearing hats that are the missing part of some weird animal costume. Freaky.

People who think Andy Warhol was an artist of the highest caliber. I don’t know much about art but I know that boxes of detergent ain’t it. No matter how you stack them, it is just detergent. Even if it was art – the artist would be the detergent ad people that designed the box. Also .. collage is not an art form. Any 3 year with a pair of safety scissors and a tub of Elmer can do that shit. Get over yourself.

Strange people I get — people who don’t follow some trend just b’cuz I can totally relate to. But people who are on the bandwagon of “insert wagon worthy activity here” be it environment, trendy kid stuffs, anything Oprah says or does, and other typical sheeple behavior bugs me. Follow your own drummer, beat a new path, hell beat the drummer. Who says because you are pushing 40 you have to stop everything and have a couple of kids, who made the rule that says I have to explain my tattoos to you, and I certainly did not get the memo that my doing what makes me happy was a slap in the face to all of the miserable fucks. But secretly just knowing that people disapprove only makes me want to do crazy shit even more. = )

So yeah I have a lot of tattoos, no I didn’t get them for anyone or the extra attention I got them because I wanted them and it is who I am. I have pink hair for the same reason. I love pink. I can paint my nails any damned color I want to. Yuppies and pretentious “GREEN” people piss me off. Andy Warhol was a hack with a pretty girl, a video camera and too much free time. People who dress their kids up with dog hats and kitten mittens should be forced to wear the same silly shit. Because deep down that kid could be hating every second of it and suffering for your amusement.

*shakes head*

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the anger sharks are swimming…

Posted on August 12th, 2004 by loup.
Categories: Ranting.

Yesterday when I called the apartment manager to see about our inspection and all of that jazz .. she told me that there were charges. Charges for the holes in the carpet (that were there when we moved in from the people before us locking their pets in rooms and the pets trying to dig out), no ice trays (that were in the dishwasher clean if anyone had bothered to look), and they said I didn’t clean the fridge or the bathroom. She asked if I wanted to speak to the owner (who did the inspection) I said no — have him call LK.
LK just called — and if I had talked to that guy — LK would have had to bail me out of jail because I would have driven back over to Williamsburg and shoved my foot so far up his ass I would have to open his mouth to tie my shoe. He got smug with LK and said “The next time you leave an apartment you might want to clean it better and be present for the walk through.” I wonder how clean he wants it .. I mean for fucks sake when it comes to clean I probably have OCD, Bob knows I’m a neat freak like my dad — that is what I get for having a Drill Instructor running 6am clean checks on my room every Saturday. LK blasted him and said “We bought a house we won’t be renting again.”
It isn’t enough that the mold in the bathroom made me sick for 2 years and try as I might couldn’t get it to stop, the maintenance men either — the owner wouldn’t sign off on repairing the pipes in the walls because that would cost too much money … funny how a week in this place and my sinus problems are gone.
I am not mad at the girls in the office or the maintenance guys but this fucking money hungry owner. We always paid our rent early, we never had a complaint against us, we were clean – quiet – GOOD tenants — and in Hampton Roads that is a hard thing to find. We wrote down every problem we had with the place in our ten day letter and this guy still tried to stick us with paying to repair it … I’ll bet you he took the money from the last people too. I know they screwed our neighbor Jim when he moved out — charging him 100 bucks for a small crack in a 40 year old sink.
After LK drops Mehmet off at the airport he is going over there and walking through the apartment again with the owner … better him than me.

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you can call me al

Posted on July 20th, 2004 by loup.
Categories: Ranting.

I got a package in the mail today. My two Mandy Barnett cds that I ordered a while back. They were back ordered for a while and I requested signed copies. So I guess I should just be happy that I got the damn things right? On the order form it asks you to put it how you would like Mandy to sign them … I like an idiot put my offline name (yanno the one on my drivers license) … I should have known better.
The name on the address label was mispelled, and sure enough the name on the autograph was mispelled too. I am changing my name to something easy for the masses to figure out. I should have known it was going to be a hard name to live with when the idiot at Skin Thrills mispelled it on my first tattoo. No, I am not joking, that really happened. I have been called Lee-hannah, Leonard, Leon, Lee-Ann … did these people not learn how to pronounce things properly in grade school. I mean c’mon … it sounds like it is spelled. Lehnanne … Leh-NAN jeezie creezie. Lehane is how Mandy signs it. Funny because her producers name is Kyle Lehning. Lehning … Lehnanne …. Ah well … at least Mandie Barnett can sing. = )

2 comments.

breeder ick

Posted on June 18th, 2004 by loup.
Categories: Ranting.

Is it possible for people who decide that they just have to spawn to realize that they must also take responsibility for their little hellions?
Yesterday, trying to get a haircut, I about lost my mind and had to come home. I told LK – “We have to leave now.” He smiled, not realizing that I was on that edge and I was serious.
Me: Why are you sitting down, we have to leave NOW
LK: Oh okay … are you okay?
Me: I’m fine, but there are 30 other places in this town to get a hair cut. I refuse to put up with this shit.*
LK: Okay let’s go.
Then LK has the chick take his name off of the list and explains the noise and 17 kids running about full throttle just lost them our business. Some man in there with his kid said “You have to have kids to appreciate them!”
Thanks for that one duhd — I just BINGO’d!!
I wish I was a better liar – I would have said “I have 2 at home, behaving themselves and not running about like spawns of satans!!” Of course I don’t have kids, I have dogs … but on their worst day of behavior they are better than kids!!
Everyone keeps telling me I should like kids and not like parents because the kids are innocent. But,I have yet to meet an innocent kid — and have yet to meet a breeder who didn’t think (if even just a little bit) kids should be taken places where they didn’t need to be or do things they didn’t need to do simply because they are “just kids”.
Anyhow, LK got his hair cut at a different place with no kids involved. We came home to our quiet lovely little place where the 2 dogs greeted us and we both let out a sigh of relief. I guess it is true, it is different when they are your own. When they are your own — you have to put up with it — when they aren’t yours you can walk away from them for good and not go to jail, no wonder most breeders are just bitter!! = )
* 4 boys all younger than jr high / older than kindergarten RUNNING back and forth, harassing the staff while they are working on OTHER customers, screaming, and basically being “just kids”….

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I don’t know whether to laugh or …

Posted on June 7th, 2004 by loup.
Categories: Ranting.

kill someone.
LKs Aunt and Uncle came into town yesterday.
It wasn’t as bad as I had thought it would be. But it was pretty amusing. They are church going people. LK says “not real big into church” but enough that I had to stifle the giggles more than once.
They have a daughter, teenager getting ready to ship off to college, she is on a church retreat (goes with the church not runs from the church like I originally thought). She got into trouble there for wearing a shirt that showed her — are you sitting down — collarbone. That’s right a scoop neck shirt will get you a first class ticket to hell.
Aunt and Uncle thought it just as crazy as I did but to even be involved with a church like that is insane I think. (see religions entry)
On a lighter note — I found a place here in town that has oodles of German foods so I can save money on shipping and buy my favorites locally — of course soon I will have to make a hefty drive to get here but worth it for the goods!

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youth gone stupid

Posted on June 1st, 2004 by loup.
Categories: Ranting.

What is it with college kids — momma’s little boy away from home for the first time in his daddy’s old sedan with the wal mart stereo blaring crappy ass music through my neighborhood.
I love music, because I love music I like to HEAR it. I don’t want to listen to blaring noise out of crap speakers from a rattling heap of bolts. It just isn’t the way it should be.
LK asked this kid if in the future when he came into the complex if he could keep the music down – the kid said “I would but this is America.”
Yes, you political genius this is America. So that means I can beat the life out of you and blame it on my PMS and be home in time to watch the news.
Poor LK tries to make a difference and tries to keep hope that people are good and want to do the right thing — I have given up on society and the human race. I know that good is gone like the wind. Like my man Tommy says “If you ever meet more than two nice people in your life — one of them is faking it.”

1 comment.

religions

Posted on May 31st, 2004 by loup.
Categories: Ranting.

I wonder about people who are crazy religious. You know the type, those people that are so into their chosen faith and all other belief systems are evil and wrong. I can’t say that I was raised a certain faith and then grew out of it … my parents really didn’t care one way or the other.
I had some friends in elementary school that asked me to go to their church with them once or twice. I can’t remember what religion it was — some twisted trainwreck of a faith as far as I could tell. I remember my friend telling me not to tell anyone at this church that I wore pants or watched television. That was my first clue that they were whackos.
My mother was a methodist — but I never remember her talking to me about her belief in any god. My dad was primitive southern baptist and his dad was a preacher. Dad spoke of his belief in god a lot but he never pushed and he and I would have conversations about why we each thought the way we did.
Before pre-school even I can remember my mom’s sister taking me to her church and I felt strange. It wasn’t like those stories you hear about the “spirit” taking over, it was uncomfortable and scary. I never felt right about being there.
I remember hating everything about it.
Religion has been on my mind for a while lately. The wife of the guy we bought the house from is crazy religious. She refused to meet us before we bought the house and even gave her husband a POA so he could sign her name at the closing. In her words, we are evil because we are witches.
Then at the closing one of those “you can’t be a witch unless you are skyclad and praising Isis” wiccans handled the paperwork on the house and when I said that LK and I weren’t religious, she said we were if we were witches. WTF?
Being a witch has nothing to do with religion for me. I despise organized religions of all kinds. Who is anyone to tell me what spiritual path I need to be on, or if in fact I need to be spiritual at all? I let it go because frankly just signing all of those bloody papers was wearing my nerves thin anyhow and we were running late. (Had to get to the Booze Monkey show later that night yanno)
I guess I just don’t understand the need some people have to cling to something like that. I say find your peace within yourself and don’t let others tell you what to believe in.
The older I get the more I think I have been an atheist all along.

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Begging

Posted on May 14th, 2004 by loup.
Categories: Ranting.

A few weeks ago there was a bit on TechTV about http://www.freecycle.org — I checked it out and there were a couple for my area. I signed up and got ready for the sharing to begin …
I am getting ready to move so I will have more than enough stuff to offer here soon enough … but what did I find. People ASKING for things, and not just “hey if you have a metal bed frame think of me” more like “I am looking for kids clothing, toys for kids, diaper genie, swing set for my kids, free food for my kids … ” Yeah just one more thing that the breeders have decided to ruin. I just want to tell them that it is FREECYCLE not DEMANDCYCLE or BEGCYCLE.
Just one more reason why I despise breeders. I am already on a frugal living group for the childfree … I wonder if there is a freecycle group for the childfree.
Maybe I should start one!!

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the late night rambling of a fool

Posted on April 3rd, 2004 by loup.
Categories: Ranting.

It is raining in Carlsbad night now … I can almost smell it. I miss
that open sky where you can watch the storm roll in for hours before it
gets there. I hated the reason WHY I had to be back in the desert- but
I didn’t hate the desert. Sometimes I miss it. But then again I am not
sure if I miss the desert or my parents. I connect the two — it’s
coming on 2 years since I went to New Mexico to take care of my dad
after my mom died. Two years without them. It feels really strange. I
find myself being sad a lot lately. Not weepy sad — well some days
weepy sad — but most of the time I am just sad. It hits me when LK is
bragging about the house to his parents. It hits me … I don’t have
anyone to brag to. I don’t have anyone to talk to about these kinds of
things anymore. I don’t have my mom to tell me she is proud of me, I
don’t have my dad to ask me how the electric is. Sometimes late at
night when I can’t sleep (which is most of the time), I lie in bed and
try to remember them. Some nights the memories flood in and some nights
I can’t even remember what color my mom’s eyes were. Every night is
different. Tonight is one of the nights where I need waders to get
through the memories they are so thick. Tonight is one of those nights
where I can’t stop thinking about it all. It is raining here tonight as
well, and listening to the drops hit the window reminded me of last
thunderstorm I had in New Mexico. My mom and dad were dead – I was
alone in the desert in a house I had no fondness for. Waiting on my
husband or my aunt or someone, anyone to come and be with me. There is
alone and then there is ALONE. I was more alone than I had ever been –
watching the lightning scatter across the sky and listening to the
thunder. Sleep just wouldn’t come. Two years later I still fight the
images of those weeks in the desert. The thoughts of “what if” — the
idea that maybe, just maybe if I had done one thing differently it all
would have worked out. There isn’t anything now I can do about it, and
somewhere deep inside I suppose I know I did all that a person can do.
Nights like tonight I replay the night my mom died. Driving across
country with LK, showing up at 11pm at my parents home – a home that I
had never seen before. Hearing the doctor go over the test results with
me. Listening to my dad’s voice break when he tells the doctor that it
is my decision — “She will know what to do.” … Which was his way of
saying “Please do what your mom would want because I just can’t let her
go.” The words escaping from my mouth — it didn’t seem real then and
they don’t seem real now. Watching my dad giving my mom back to the
wind one last time. Just when my brain starts to drift off and I think
I can maybe sleep at last… thoughts of my dad come rushing in. The
cancer, the losing battle, the nurses, the tears, all of the
conversations we had — all of the conversations I wish we would have
had. Watching him slip away — not being able to be at the hospital
with him as much as I would have liked. I wasn’t even over losing my
mom in that place just weeks before. The nightmare of that haunted me
every time I stepped foot in that place. His room was just around the
corner from hers. Same nurses, same faces — same smell. It was
horrible. Any time he was awake and I was there he would ask me about
the dogs and tell me to go home — at the end he wasn’t awake. The
drugs did that much for him. He made it clear the whole time I was
there — I was not there to take care of him. I was there to take care
of his dogs after he died. That is what he worried about. He was so
selfless. He could have been in pain beyond anyone’s comprehension and
he would ask the nurse if she would like something to eat or drink.
That week between his death and anyone being able to get out to New
Mexico with me I wondered if I would ever sleep again … well, so far
I haven’t really been able to sleep. To put it all out of mind and just
sleep – it isn’t insomnia but I wouldn’t call it sleep either. Eternal
napping, that’s what I guess you could call it. You know that bullshit
line people feed you when you’ve just buried a loved one … the pain
won’t go away but it will get better. It isn’t true. It doesn’t get
better. You are never the same. You may handle it a little better than
you expect but it never gets better. For me in fact it is worse. After
my mom died I was the strong one — I had to be. Everyone else broke
down … things had to be done and I had to do them. After my dad got
sick the same thing — things had to be done and I had to do them …
then he died. I moved back to Virginia and about 6 months after he died
I finally started to grieve for he and my mom. So if anything it has
not gotten better — but worse. Funny thing is — when I do sleep … I
dream about them, I just can’t escape. I need to shut the fuck up now -
nobody likes a whiner.

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